Living my Best life

Perhaps its the fact that I cleansed my house and my family with Sage and Palo Santo for the 1st time or maybe its the fact that I have been taking CBD oil for the last 3 weeks, but I am loving the creative, zen, and peace that I now feel.   I have sewn so much for myself in the last 2 weeks; more than I have in the last 2 years.  I also give zero fucks about what anyone thinks or feels about what I am saying now and about to say next.  Yes, I sewed for myself and I can do that!  It's my body, my equipment, my fabric, and my time.  Just because I do it for myself does not mean that I have to make  that time to do it for someone else .  I digress, but seriously it is totally different sewing for myself than it is making something for somebody else.  I know my body.  I can make a dress for myself in an hour.  I can't do that for somebody else.  Sewing for me is an act of self-care and I vow to take care of myself each and everyday.

Moving on, I feel more at peace with my relationships because of a more elevated awareness of time and peace of mind.  I have had several hard much needed conversations with people that I love and I feel those relationships are definitely headed down the right path or I have accepted them as they are.  I have written more blogs this year (and its only March) then I have in the last couple of years.  After loosing almost 50lbs I have officially gained 15lbs of it back just in the last 9 months all because I unconsciously decided to put everything and everybody before me. So now I'm back at my workouts, and I'm about to do something wild and crazy next week for my birthday.  I have an idea of what I would like to do but if I actually get the opportunity, we will see (Hint: It involves heights).  I'm on my way to my 3rd interview in the last few weeks and I'm happy to say that I don't feel that anxious about it.  I got God all around me, Jesus walking beside me, CBD and a few crystals in my pocket, peace of mind, and love in my heart.  I hope you're living your best life.

Mindfulness

Since starting graduate school I haven't really taken a break. In-between classes we have the option of taking a break and that break can be one week to three weeks or we can choose to not take a break at all. Due to me wanting to complete my degree and start working as soon as possible I have opted not to take any breaks. However, due to my overwhelming responsibilities and the process of starting my clinical work I have decided to take a 3-week break. I'm currently on my second week and I feel that although I have been taking steps to better myself more intensely the last couple of years;  it is in this experience that I just had an epiphany moment. I have a better understanding of why those steps were so extremely vital to my journey right now. I have been feeling extremely anxious and unsure about many of the decisions I have made in the last few months; years in fact!  Even though I have grown secure with my decisions.  However, at this very moment I have just realized that those decisions, those steps were necessary not only for my health, sanity, love and respect for myself, my peace, but also for my well-being of being present in my body and this time and space.

I have learned that therapist also need their own therapist. We all have our own set of problems and experiences that we have to deal with that impact the people we are; and that impact can be a negative or a positive one. So on my journey I have had the honor of experiencing several therapist and a few have suggested mindfulness practices to me. I admit, I did not truly understand what mindfulness was until today. Thanks to a podcast app that I just downloaded I have chosen to subscribe to many therapist topics to utilize as resources for myself that may also be beneficial to share with my clients and through my research I have learned that mindfulness means different things to many people.  Therefore, I have gained a bit of compassion for myself for putting so much pressure on self to understand something the way another therapist understands mindfulness to be. I now understand that my confusion on what mindfulness is was because it was something different to me. It's not just shutting my brain down to not think any thoughts.  It's about welcoming those thoughts and being aware that they are there but placing a bit of a boundary on those thoughts and telling them I see you, but this is my focus right now. Its not just sitting still posing like a Buddha.  I have now realized that I have been practicing mindfulness a lot in my relationships, when I cook, when I go for a walk, when I'm shutting off the TV and playing games with my kids, when I'm listening to the birds, when we're trying to have family dinner, when I'm gardening, when I'm drinking a cup of tea. Mindfulness is a awareness and it's a focus on one thing, but also a developed compassion that we're human beings and our minds roam.  That's what they are supposed to do.  I'm now seeing ways that I would like to practice mindfulness with more of an intention; for example it's a habit for me to tell my kids I love you everyday.  However, it has become more of a habit; there's no real intention on it. When I'm saying it, I am making their lunch or I am pushing them in the doorways of their school building or I am turning a direction to head to work or something. Now I see that I have to be mindful in my intent to actually help my children really see that this is a moment of expressed love and not just words.  Furthermore, not with just my kids but also with my husband, my mother, my father, myself. I am so looking forward to the focus that I am sure being intentionally mindful will bring to my life.  Maybe you will be on the same thing I'm on...

Living Intentionally

My anxiety level is at a somewhat high level today and I tried with all my might to breathe; to be with myself in a way that allows me to be present and accept the things that I cannot change about today. I took my kids to school. I had lunch. I tried to take a nap.  Unfortunately, they say those who are the quietest have the loudest minds and my mind was just literally screaming to the point where trying to force a nap was just not beneficial to me anymore.  So, I woke up; turned the TV on one of my favorite channels; HDTV, and amazingly one of my favorite shows was on; Fixer Upper.   I don’t know about you but seeing this show and other interior design shows like it, just relaxes me because I feel that in my future, I will absolutely be experiencing the joy that these people feel when they see the renovations on their homes.   I then began scrolling through my phone and came across an artist, @alexisrakun that posted this picture below.

This picture did something to my spirit.  It gave me the energy that I needed to push me to write this post.  I poured a glass of wine. I joined a Facebook group to help me research something that I’ve been thinking about for months now, and I finally feel like I have some type of control and peace.  Yes, I do have control issues, but I have accepted this about myself and I have realized that this control is me.  This is what makes me unique.  It allows me to not only have moments in my life where the control has to be let go of, but it also provides me the do all to get things done when things need to get done; and I welcome that control.  It is nothing that I will allow anyone to make me feel negatively about any longer!  Especially, from the looks of it; it seems like people around me expect that control as well because I am the one who everyone looks at to get things done.  However, I'm learning to let go of that enabler spirit; that takeover spirit and learn to just chill and let go of the people and the things around me that don't allow me to just chill.  Although, it is incredibly hard when your kids and your husband are some of those people, but we're working on those boundaries.  As long as I have pictures like this that keeps me motivated on this journey, I’m optimistic that we’ll get there. 

One of the words my professors have told me throughout my graduate school journey is that I have great intentionality and a clear uncomplicated point of view of how I express things. I have to admit I didn’t know what my professors meant about intentionality because of course I intentionally said what I said or wrote what I wrote or else I wouldn't have done it.  So of course, I was thinking my professors meant something else.  However, after reflecting on this I realized they meant that I have a purpose, that I am the truth, that I have a clear goal of where I'm trying to go, that I have a clear understanding of whatever principle I am describing or reaching towards.  Mind you I by far do not feel this way at all when I’m presenting in class or submitting my assignments because my anxiety is really out of this world but the fact that these people who have absolutely no idea of my story feel this highly of me says something.  It says that I’m dope; have always been dope and will forever be dope. It's time that I embrace that, and I am in this moment, and I’m motivated to continue doing so.  Here’s to continuing to gain knowledge with intention and love for our bodies, our souls, and our legacies.    

Giving Thanks and Being Authentically You

Sharing with u what I have learned on my journey of living my best life, and a bit of love doesn't hurt. 

Trust in Gods Plan...Be Calm

I'm baaaaaack!!!!!!!

Click the video to hear what I decided!

Keep trusting...

As I sit here on public transportation with the sun warming my face, and appreciating the 50 degree breeze that welcomes me everytime the doors open it is putting me in a reflective, proud but melancholy mood. So I decided what better moment to get my feelings out right now where there is no one around grasping for my attention. Yesterday, I had a pretty eventful day. I went and saw my cousin play basketball for Drake, against Loyola, and it was ravishing seeing these young men out there putting up a good fight, and trying to make their dreams come true.  It was truly inspirational, and it made me pray for them, especially my cousin. It made me pray that God shows him how much he is loved. How awesome he is, and that he can do anything he put his mind to, but put his mind to something good, and rewarding on multiple levels. To don't give up and trust in him.

Yesterday I also got a biopsy. I still have to wait for the results, but in getting this biopsy I was given information that confirmed suspicions I already had.  I've shared this information with my husband but now I'm forced to make a decision that will/ or may affect our lives and I'm struggling to be open, and positive about it, but I'm trying.

I'm trying to focus more on being thankful that God has given me the gift make things beautiful. Thankful that my family is in good health and that I'm able to live this life with my wonderful grandmother still here and in her right mind and able to help me with creating our family tree. That I am on this journey of starting a new career as a therapist and I am doing very well in my classes still maintaining a 4.0. Thankful that my mom has opened her heart to go through the journey of falling in love. Thankful that God keeps showing me ways to build on my relationship with my dad, and work on my marriage, and be a good Mom.

There's so many things that I can be thankful for and yesterday having the opportunity to pray for my cousin now has shown me that I need to pray that same prayer for myself. God is showing me how awesome and loved I am.  He is showing me that I can do anything and all I have to keep doing is have faith and keep trusting  in him. Everything is going to be alright.

(Day 19, 20, 21 & 22) Getting Unstuck: You get What you Put Out

This past 21 days of medication has been a really positive experience. After 21 days of doing the meditation I still need to get better with my focus on the actual mantra but other than that the messages that I received from having this experience and going on this journey I am praying that I actually am able to incorporate them into my daily life because I feel that they will be very instrumental in turning many of my relationships in a more positive direction. Being that 21 days meditation experiences is no longer available for free on the site; I'm so happy that I put this experience into videos so that I can always go back and experience this moment of positivity when it's necessary and I'm hoping that you all take advantage of this resource as well. Click the video to hear more about the last days of my journey of meditation.

(Day 16, 17 & 18) Getting Unstuck: Self-Change is the Answer

In todays meditation video I spoke about day 16 to 17 and day 18. The titles of the days were How to Make your Environment Creative, Reaching Their Creative Solution, and Expanding Other People's Awareness. I found that all three of these days were profoundly eye opening for me. All three days basically spoke to changing yourself and changing your own views in order to become unstuck and to help others become unstuck, because they mirror you. Click the video to hear more about my experience.

(Day 14 &15) Getting Unstuck: Let your intentions guide you

(Day 13) Getting Unstuck: Finding your Self-Worth

We cannot think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves. -Malcolm X's

(Day 11) Getting Unstuck

Todays meditation was magical! Oprah shared with us her favorite bible scripture which is, Be still and know that I am God.  Right around the time that I was listening to this God spoke to me by showing me his beautiful creations.

God was indeed showing out and I loved it! Click the YouTube video below to hear more about today's meditation experience.

(Day 10) Getting Unstuck

The present moment is filled with joy and happiness if you are attentive, you will see it.
-Thick Nhat Hanh

Today's meditation,  learn to "be here now;" was powerful. It was filled with a lot of very useful information.  Click to hear about it, and don't forget to subscribe!!!!!!

(Day 9 ) Getting Unstuck

I really connected with today's meditation it's what Enchanté is all about! Take a listen! Let me know what u think.

(Day 4 & 5) Getting Unstuck

Today I am working on day 4 and day 5 of the Oprah and Deepak's 21 Days of Getting Unstuck Meditation Experience. Yesterday was my anniversary so I was unable to do day 4 which is why I'm doing it today along with day 5.  I have to say that both days made me feel like I'm on the right path of self-love for myself and making my life better. Click the link and listen to my experience and please feel free to leave comments and let me know about your experience. Also don't forget to subscribe!!!!!!!

(Day 3) Getting Unstuck

(Day 2) Getting Unstuck

Today, I decided to include my son on my journey of Meditation and I made a huge mistake, lol. That won't happen again. I mean it's not that I'm not going to ever meditate with him again because I will. I even downloaded a kids meditation app; I will just make sure I have my own time for myself 😊.

I also, believe I picked the wrong location because it was pretty busy on the lakefront for 7:30pm and the bugs were eating me up! So I really wasn't filled with zen at all! Looking forward to try again this evening.

(Day 1) Getting Unstuck

In an effort to hold myself accountable for what is happening in my life I have decided to step out of my comfort zone and record my journey in doing the 21 day Oprah & Deepak Meditation experience.  Everyday I plan on taking these moments for myself, and I'm sharing them with you.  I hope that you go on the journey with me.  Let me know your thoughts about what I've talked about, and if you are going on the journey as well be as transparent as me and feel free to share in the comments. Namaste.

Soul Music and Love

I guess that's why they call it soul music because it touches your soul.  This is a pre-warning this post may get a little real so there may be cursing and some things that some may think I should have kept to myself but I'm an artist and I have to express myself and this is my Got damn blog so I can post whatever in the hell I want to post so that's what I'm going to do no matter how jumbled it is or how mean it may seem.  I'm hurting righting now.  I've prayed, I've screamed, I've sat in bed, I tried watching TV, I tried scrolling on fb, but all thats happening on there is sadness and another shooting of another black man this time in Baton Rouge, his name Alton Sterling. I prayed again for his family and all the families that have to be going through this ridicuouless and pray that I never feel the pain they feel.  Afterwards I decided to get up and try sewing (by the way I'm excited to show you all what I've created) but had to stop doing that because the flow and the ugly crying while serging brought me to my next love...writing.

Its funny that when you're in love music is the beautiful melody that writes the soundtrack of your love, when you're determined music gives you the fire to achieve your mission and when you're sad music is that soft pillow soaking up your tears.  Its also funny that when your personal relationship isn't going right everything reminds to of that person; food, places you go, and the words in the songs.
There is a 90's R/B singer by the name of Mona Lisa.  She had a song called You said.  I hear this song and it has so many meanings for me.  I believe this song was written because of her relationship with her Dad and I relate to it so much with a lot of the men in my life especially now.  When you give your heart to someone and you commit to spend your life with them there is a promise made.

You said you'd never leave me
On my own You said you'd never leave me All alone
You said you'd never leave me On my own

And I Never should have gave my heart
Should've never let you in my life
Gave my heart and soul and mind
And I Never thought that we'd be this way
Should've never started to believe things you said
How could you not communicate With me



I was told that I love hard, and I guess I do.  This next song that brought me to tears is Super Star by Floetry featuring Common.   There is one line in this song that I feel is one of the greatest sentences every created in life.  It goes, My love is honest and true and I can prove it babe. My love is.  Its the purest thing, and the greatest gift I can every give some one, and I shouldn't have to prove it you should know and you would know. To take advantage of that is a crime.




I'll end this with another of my favorites.  At the end she say sings this words that I like to say our my prayer to God so when I'm singing along with her I'm praying my heart out, and I'm leaving it to God because I know I'm going to be alright...

I'm gonna be around, 'cause I've got
God on my side
It's alright
Heavenly father hear my prayers
It's alright
'Cause I know your always with me
It's alright
You'll always be right here with me
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna
It's alright
Be alright, I'm gonna be alright
'Cause now I understand why you had to leave me
It's alright

Day by Day

I've started a 40 day Journey

prayer book called Emotional Healthy Spirituality Day by Day by Peter Scazzero and it has been wonderfully enlightening reading this book everyday suggested by my Pastor Dori Gorman of New Story Church . In my readings I came across Psalms 131 and in the devotional portion of the book for that particular day we were reminded that we often forget our humanity, our limits, and our inability to change others. We are reminded that David was one of the most powerful people of that time but he still reminded himself to not to think highly of himself. He prayed that he does not concern himself with the great matters or things too wonderful for him and that told me that even with David being as powerful as he was he knew not to worry about things that were going to happen or that he wished would happen or anything of that nature. He knew that it was not up to him but that those things were too powerful for him to think about. He knew that those things were up to God.

Reading that I was like, "Man, I wish I could be more like David." The reading for the next day and devotional we were taught about patient trust.

Patient trust is above all trust in the slow work of God we are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay we should like to skip the intermediate stages. We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new yet it is the law of all progress that it is made by passing through some stages of instability and that it may take a very long time. And so I think it is with you; but your ideas mature and gradually let them grow let them shape themselves, without undue haste. Don't try to force them on, it's true you could be today what time will make for you tomorrow (that is to say grace and circumstances acting on your own goodwill). Only God could say that this new spirit gradually forming within you will be. Give our Lord the benefit of believing that his hand is leading you. And accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.
-Pierre Teilhard de Chardon

Reading these words were so powerful and they assurance I needed regarding my acceptance to school, my career, the opening of my storefront, the growth of my kids, the success of my marriage. the Journey of getting myself healthy. All of these things I have to trust that with these different processes that I'm going through the Lord is leading me and to accept the anxiety that I feel.

The Count Down

I am so anxious right now. Last week I had my admissions interview with Northwestern University. I was one of the 72 applicants picked to be interviewed out of 260 something applicants. I was not really scared going into the interview in fact I was really confident but I admit that my nerves were high, but I feel that I did well. I've been visualizing how going down this new road would look for my life and I must say that it looks great!

For a few years now, I have had a dream, premonition, daydream; I don't know really what it is, but I have had this vision of myself with salt & pepper locks sitting high on my head in a neat bun, with a lavender tailored business suit, getting out of my car. Now, I feel like I'm going to work at a boutique in this vision but I always felt like, even though I know I can rock this suit, but I always felt like I was a little over dressed to be going to work in my boutique, but going to work in my boutique and also being a therapist I feel that this suit would be perfect! Maybe this is a premonition of what is to come. I so cannot wait to rock my lavender suit!

So I am counting down the days when I get to announce that I am now a student earning a Master of Science degree in the Marriage and Family Therapy program at Northwestern University. Doesn't that sound absolutely wonderful!