Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Do you make problems worse or do you make them better?

Communication is the key to any relationship.  We can all learn how to not only talk to our spouses better, but to our co-workers, our kids, and strangers.

When Your Spouse Is Stuck; Mad at Themselves

by Dr. Gary Chapman

What do you do when your spouse is mad at himself?

Jon was a young business executive, a hard worker, a rising star in the company. But on Tuesday night, his wife, Bev, found him moping in self-condemnation.

"I can't believe I left one of the most important elements out of my report. When Bob mentioned it, it was so obvious. I can't believe I overlooked it. It makes me look so stupid, and to think the V.P. was there. He never comes to those meetings. I just can't believe it."

Bev wants to be helpful, but she cannot get inside Jon's mind and make him take a positive approach. She could say, "Don't cry over spilled milk," but that will probably come across as preaching. Maybe better to say, "Honey, I can see how that would be very disappointing. What do you think happened that caused you to overlook it?"

She lets him talk out his grief and then says, "I still think you're the best manager in your department."

Wow! Bev is helping Jon move on and face the future positively.

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