Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
Music/laughing Monday! (Wanda & Shaneneh)
After having a WONDERFUL weekend with family, I am now at home trying to get myself back together. I'm not really feeling to well because I still have the effects of Benedryl in my body (Cat allergy) so I need to laugh. Enjoy, I sooooo can not wait till they come out with this movie!
Friday, August 6, 2010
I need a raise!
B: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?
A: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years.
B: Yes.
A: I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.
B: A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.
A: I understand your position, and I know that the current economic down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro- activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade.
B: Taking into account these factors, and considering I don't want to start a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time. How does that sound?
A: Great! It's a deal! Thank you, sir!
B: Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies were after you?
A: Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company and the Mortgage Company!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Lie Detecor
This was funny, and I wanted to share it with you all. Enjoy!
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late. "Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John."Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy. The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair. "Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school."
"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.." said Tommy. "What did you watch?" asked Marsha. "The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy. The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."
"I am ashamed of you son," said John.. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents." The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"
The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.
"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.." said Tommy. "What did you watch?" asked Marsha. "The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy. The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."
"I am ashamed of you son," said John.. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents." The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"
The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Gods Children
GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)
To those of us who have children in our lives,
whether they are our own,
grandchildren,
nieces,
nephews,
or students...
here is something to make you chuckle.
Whenever your children are out of control,
you can take comfort from the thought that
even God's omnipotence did not extend
to His own children.
After creating heaven and earth,
God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing he said was
'DON'T!'
'Don't what? '
Adam replied.
'Don't eat the forbidden fruit.'
God said.
'Forbidden fruit ?
We have forbidden fruit ?
Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit ! '
'No Way! '
'Yes way! '
'Do NOT eat the fruit! '
said God.
'Why? '
'Because I am your Father and I said so ! '
God replied,
wondering why He hadn't stopped
creation after making the elephants
A few minutes later,
God saw His children having an apple break
and He was ticked !
'Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit? '
God asked.
'Uh huh,'
Adam replied.
'Then why did you? '
said the Father.
'I don't know,'
said Eve.
'She started it! '
Adam said.
'Did not! '
'Did too! '
'DID NOT! '
Having had it with the two of them,
God's punishment was that Adam and Eve
should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it,
don't be hard on yourself.
If God had trouble raising children,
what makes you think it would be
a piece of cake for you?
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1. You spend the first two years of their life
teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend
the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward
for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why
some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you.
In fact,
they usually repeat word for word
what you shouldn't have said
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties
is to remind yourself that there are children
more awful than your own
6. We childproofed our homes,
but they are still getting in.
ADVICE FOR THE DAY:
Be nice to your kids.
They will choose your
nursing home one day
AND FINALLY:
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION
AND YOU GET A HEADACHE,
DO WHAT IT SAYS
ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
'TAKE TWO ASPIRIN'
AND 'KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN'!!
To those of us who have children in our lives,
whether they are our own,
grandchildren,
nieces,
nephews,
or students...
here is something to make you chuckle.
Whenever your children are out of control,
you can take comfort from the thought that
even God's omnipotence did not extend
to His own children.
After creating heaven and earth,
God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing he said was
'DON'T!'
'Don't what? '
Adam replied.
'Don't eat the forbidden fruit.'
God said.
'Forbidden fruit ?
We have forbidden fruit ?
Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit ! '
'No Way! '
'Yes way! '
'Do NOT eat the fruit! '
said God.
'Why? '
'Because I am your Father and I said so ! '
God replied,
wondering why He hadn't stopped
creation after making the elephants
A few minutes later,
God saw His children having an apple break
and He was ticked !
'Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit? '
God asked.
'Uh huh,'
Adam replied.
'Then why did you? '
said the Father.
'I don't know,'
said Eve.
'She started it! '
Adam said.
'Did not! '
'Did too! '
'DID NOT! '
Having had it with the two of them,
God's punishment was that Adam and Eve
should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it,
don't be hard on yourself.
If God had trouble raising children,
what makes you think it would be
a piece of cake for you?
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1. You spend the first two years of their life
teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend
the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward
for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why
some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you.
In fact,
they usually repeat word for word
what you shouldn't have said
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties
is to remind yourself that there are children
more awful than your own
6. We childproofed our homes,
but they are still getting in.
ADVICE FOR THE DAY:
Be nice to your kids.
They will choose your
nursing home one day
AND FINALLY:
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION
AND YOU GET A HEADACHE,
DO WHAT IT SAYS
ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
'TAKE TWO ASPIRIN'
AND 'KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN'!!
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Men & Women
MEN AND WOMEN
NICKNAMES
1. If Judy, Pam and Carol go out for lunch, they will call each other Judy, Pam and Carol.
2. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Horse and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT
1. When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
2. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
2. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
1. A man has seven items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, shampoo and a towel...
2. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
1. A woman has the last word in any argument.
2. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
1. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
2. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
2. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
1. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
2. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
1. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
2. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
1. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
2. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
1. Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
2. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it ...and to the men who will enjoy reading it.
NICKNAMES
1. If Judy, Pam and Carol go out for lunch, they will call each other Judy, Pam and Carol.
2. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Horse and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT
1. When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
2. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
2. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
1. A man has seven items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, shampoo and a towel...
2. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
1. A woman has the last word in any argument.
2. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
1. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
2. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
2. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
1. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
2. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
1. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
2. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
1. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
2. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
1. Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
2. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it ...and to the men who will enjoy reading it.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
It's so cold!!!!!!!!
COLD IS A RELATIVE THING
At 65 degrees above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Illinois plant gardens.
60 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Illinois sunbathe.
50 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Illinois drive with the windows down.
40 above zero:
Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Illinois throw on a flannel shirt.
35 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Illinois have the last cookout before it gets cold.
20 above zero:
People in Miami all die.
Illinoisans close the windows.
Zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico .
People in Illinois get out their winter coats.
10 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Illinois are selling cookies door to door.
20 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in Illinois let the dogs sleep indoors.
30 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Illinoisans get upset because they can't start the Snowmobile.
40 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops.
People in Illinois start saying...
'Cold enough fer ya?'
50 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
In Illinois The Bears win the Super Bowl.
Have fun today, laugh and enjoy life, don't worry about
the little stuff you can't change. . . . . . .
At 65 degrees above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Illinois plant gardens.
60 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Illinois sunbathe.
50 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Illinois drive with the windows down.
40 above zero:
Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Illinois throw on a flannel shirt.
35 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Illinois have the last cookout before it gets cold.
20 above zero:
People in Miami all die.
Illinoisans close the windows.
Zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico .
People in Illinois get out their winter coats.
10 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Illinois are selling cookies door to door.
20 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in Illinois let the dogs sleep indoors.
30 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Illinoisans get upset because they can't start the Snowmobile.
40 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops.
People in Illinois start saying...
'Cold enough fer ya?'
50 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
In Illinois The Bears win the Super Bowl.
Have fun today, laugh and enjoy life, don't worry about
the little stuff you can't change. . . . . . .
Monday, December 7, 2009
Bragging about kids:
Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party
After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.
Those who remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."
The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."
The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?"
One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. What about your son?"
The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."
The three friends said: "What a shame .... you must be disappointed."
The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad for himself. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and
a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."
After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.
Those who remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."
The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."
The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?"
One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. What about your son?"
The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."
The three friends said: "What a shame .... you must be disappointed."
The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad for himself. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and
a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
Jokes
A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"
Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.
One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.
Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"
Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.
One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.
Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Reminiscing...
So all week I’ve been on autopilot because I’m incredibly tired, but last night I had to start packing for my trip to Vegas with some High School friends of mines. I’m bringing with me old pictures, and letters, etc. So we can sit around and reminisce and laugh and the old times. I came across this book I put together. You have people pick out a number and on every page of the book there are questions. So you write down the number you picked out and answer every question on each page of the book, and at the end of the book I left space for people to write a note to me.
So I’m on the 147 Outer Drive Michigan bus on my way to work cracking up cause I’m reading this book. Some of my facebook fam are in this book. I wish I could show it to yall, but anyways I wanted to share a couple of things that I’m sure you guys heard when you were in high school. Especially those of you that graduated around CLASS OF 99 BABY!!!!!!!!!
1st
Love is a passion. Kisses are a shame boys get it easy while girls take the blame. You say no, they ask you why you say. You’re a virgin. They say you’re a lie. They talk you into doing something you don’t want to do. Next thing you know their screwing you. One moment of pleasure, 9 months of pain. A week in the hospital then little junior came. Junior is a basterd, and you’re a whore. Little junior wouldn’t be here if the rubber hadn’t torn. Never let a boy stick his information in your education, because it messes up your reputation.
2nd
The sky was dark the moon was high all alone just her and I. Her hair so soft her legs so fine. I knew just what she felt deep down. Her skin so soft, her legs so fine I ran my fingers down her spine. I didn’t know how but I tried my best. I started placing my hands on her breast. I remember my fear and fast beating heart, and slowly spreaded my legs apart, and when I did it I felt no shame. All at once the white stuff came. At last its finished all over now, my first time ever, milking a Cow.
So I’m on the 147 Outer Drive Michigan bus on my way to work cracking up cause I’m reading this book. Some of my facebook fam are in this book. I wish I could show it to yall, but anyways I wanted to share a couple of things that I’m sure you guys heard when you were in high school. Especially those of you that graduated around CLASS OF 99 BABY!!!!!!!!!
1st
Love is a passion. Kisses are a shame boys get it easy while girls take the blame. You say no, they ask you why you say. You’re a virgin. They say you’re a lie. They talk you into doing something you don’t want to do. Next thing you know their screwing you. One moment of pleasure, 9 months of pain. A week in the hospital then little junior came. Junior is a basterd, and you’re a whore. Little junior wouldn’t be here if the rubber hadn’t torn. Never let a boy stick his information in your education, because it messes up your reputation.
2nd
The sky was dark the moon was high all alone just her and I. Her hair so soft her legs so fine. I knew just what she felt deep down. Her skin so soft, her legs so fine I ran my fingers down her spine. I didn’t know how but I tried my best. I started placing my hands on her breast. I remember my fear and fast beating heart, and slowly spreaded my legs apart, and when I did it I felt no shame. All at once the white stuff came. At last its finished all over now, my first time ever, milking a Cow.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
A Husbands Store
A store opened recently in New York a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor, the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1
These men have jobs and love the lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2
These men have jobs, love the lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3
These men have jobs, love the lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking. “Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads
Floor 4
These men have jobs, love the lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework. “Oh, mercy me! she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!” Still, she goes on.
The fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5
These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6
You are visitor 4,363,012 this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
Which floor would you have stopped to pick up your husband?
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor, the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1
These men have jobs and love the lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2
These men have jobs, love the lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3
These men have jobs, love the lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking. “Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads
Floor 4
These men have jobs, love the lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework. “Oh, mercy me! she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!” Still, she goes on.
The fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5
These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6
You are visitor 4,363,012 this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
Which floor would you have stopped to pick up your husband?
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Clever Woman
There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, “Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife.” So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him. Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket; the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, “Wait just a minute!” She had a shoe box with her; she came over with the box and placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Her friend said, “I hope you weren’t crazy enough to put all that money in the casket.” She said, “Yes, I promised. I’m a good Christian, I can’t lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.” “You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in that casket with him?” “I sure did,” said the wife. “I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check.”
Friday, May 15, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Cake or Bed?
I thought some of you ladies might enjoy this...
A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts. "Honey, could you fix the light int he hallway? Its been flickering for weeks now." He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the lights now? Does it look like I have GE written on my forehead?" "I don't think so," says the wife. Then she says, "Fine. Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right." To which he replied, "fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? “I don’t think so,” says the wife. Then she says, “Fine. Then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They are about to break." The husband says, "I'm not a damn carpenter, and I don't want to fix steps. Does it look like I have Ace hardware written on my forehead? “I don’t think so,” says the wife. "I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar," says the husband. So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours. He stars to feel guilty about how he treated his wife and decides to go home.
As he walks into the house he notices that the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. "Honey", he asks, "How did all of this get fixed." She said, "Well, when you left I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake." The husband then said, "So what kind of cake did you bake?" She replied, "Helllloooo, do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead, I don't think so!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts. "Honey, could you fix the light int he hallway? Its been flickering for weeks now." He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the lights now? Does it look like I have GE written on my forehead?" "I don't think so," says the wife. Then she says, "Fine. Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right." To which he replied, "fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? “I don’t think so,” says the wife. Then she says, “Fine. Then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They are about to break." The husband says, "I'm not a damn carpenter, and I don't want to fix steps. Does it look like I have Ace hardware written on my forehead? “I don’t think so,” says the wife. "I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar," says the husband. So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours. He stars to feel guilty about how he treated his wife and decides to go home.
As he walks into the house he notices that the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. "Honey", he asks, "How did all of this get fixed." She said, "Well, when you left I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake." The husband then said, "So what kind of cake did you bake?" She replied, "Helllloooo, do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead, I don't think so!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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