Living my Best life

Perhaps its the fact that I cleansed my house and my family with Sage and Palo Santo for the 1st time or maybe its the fact that I have been taking CBD oil for the last 3 weeks, but I am loving the creative, zen, and peace that I now feel.   I have sewn so much for myself in the last 2 weeks; more than I have in the last 2 years.  I also give zero fucks about what anyone thinks or feels about what I am saying now and about to say next.  Yes, I sewed for myself and I can do that!  It's my body, my equipment, my fabric, and my time.  Just because I do it for myself does not mean that I have to make  that time to do it for someone else .  I digress, but seriously it is totally different sewing for myself than it is making something for somebody else.  I know my body.  I can make a dress for myself in an hour.  I can't do that for somebody else.  Sewing for me is an act of self-care and I vow to take care of myself each and everyday.

Moving on, I feel more at peace with my relationships because of a more elevated awareness of time and peace of mind.  I have had several hard much needed conversations with people that I love and I feel those relationships are definitely headed down the right path or I have accepted them as they are.  I have written more blogs this year (and its only March) then I have in the last couple of years.  After loosing almost 50lbs I have officially gained 15lbs of it back just in the last 9 months all because I unconsciously decided to put everything and everybody before me. So now I'm back at my workouts, and I'm about to do something wild and crazy next week for my birthday.  I have an idea of what I would like to do but if I actually get the opportunity, we will see (Hint: It involves heights).  I'm on my way to my 3rd interview in the last few weeks and I'm happy to say that I don't feel that anxious about it.  I got God all around me, Jesus walking beside me, CBD and a few crystals in my pocket, peace of mind, and love in my heart.  I hope you're living your best life.

Troubles

I'm having a little bit of a struggle today. I'm out doing my morning walk  and my little prince/venom actually fell asleep on my 3 Mile walk for change and it was so peaceful not hearing my name called  about 50 times and not having to pick up things that he's dropped,etc., but although the walk was peaceful listening to the wind and the waves I am still unable to enjoy this time because I can't settle my mind.  I

have captured beautiful pictures of the amazing blessings that God has placed in my path, but at the same time I must admit that I'm a little tired. Most likely it's from the worry about finishing up my last prom dress and about my going to school to get my Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy. I recently found out that out if 200+ applicants I was picked as the 70 to get an interview but I was not picked as part of the 40 to receive an offer to participate in the Northwestern program. Now I have to start the process over again with applying to another school.  Something is telling me to not give up but at the same time I do have some doubt about it. Is this really what I'm supposed to be doing?  I can't give it up because I've been thinking about this for 10 years and I feel like the scheduling is perfect and I can see myself doing this along with running my store and because I have been helping people naturally for so long I feel that this is what God is telling me I need to do, but the process of not knowing if I'm going to get accepted again is scary and I'm having a hard time crossing over that fear.  I will cross over it though.

I'm also thinking about my sister (and a couple other family members).  We have had an unfortunate relationship in our time together mostly because of events that we had no control over but because of these events they have caused both of us to think about each other in a certain way and treat each other in a not so pleasant way. For myself, I acknowledge my actions and thought that we were trying to move forward but everybody works at their own pace and everyone has their own experiences that help make them the people they are today. In my journey of trying to put God 1st in my life I feel I have reached a crossroad.  I have been hurt and I don't want to be hurt anymore which is my reason for distancing myself. However, is God telling me that I deserve more, that I don't deserve this treatment or is he telling me to be like Joseph who forgave his brothers? I mean look at all that Jesus encountered all the pain and hurt that he experienced but he knew that there was a paradise on the other side,  that he had to go through the anguish to make things better for us, so he welcomed it. I do forgive my sister but am I supposed to open myself up for potential pain, let go and open my heart again or is it alright if I just continue to show my love from a distance? These questions are what's troubling me.

Also, my husband is having a hard time communicating with me, following through and compromising. I really want us to establishing our own family traditions and he seems to think...I don't know...I guess that I don't want to be around his family which is not the case at all, or that I'm controlling.  I also have a few other personal goals that I have set for myself that are taking a little bit more time to

accomplish than I thought but as my son wakes up from his nap I am pushed back into reality and I guess I have to get up off this bench overlooking the lake and finish walking home to make breakfast and get to work on prom, and allow God to work.

FREE or am I?

So, its #freefrom5yearoldweekend, and I wake up this morning with the house quiet, my uninterrupted dreams settling, not a gigle, not a cartoon, not a repreminding stop, or running, or heavy walking from my husband, and I'm like what do I do?  At serene moments like this in the past, BKAH (Before kids and husband) I would write, so thats what I'm doing (WARNING: THIS WILL BE A LONG POST.).  My last post has been over a year and my have things changed, but some things have stayed the same.

For starters, my son is well adjusted in a new school, with a great patient teacher that I believe takes her time to listen to the kids.  I know he has his days when he's a bit much, but that expected from 4 - 5year olds.  My husband did loose his job, which has been a very challenging experience for us, but I have to feel that the end of this experience is drawing near, and did I tell you all that I'm expecting?  6 months, 1 week and 5 days, Oh yes the count down has begun!

My Mountain of a stomach at the bottom of the pic.  My son holding the Blue bumble bee and mirror.  He said the baby wants to listen to music and look at himself in the mirror, lol.

I have been so sick with this pregnancy with nausea, ER trips, smells, pelvic pains, etc, I swear once I have this baby (TéShawn, the pronunciation of my name Shawnté backwards :-)) out, no Doctor or Nurse will be able to stop me from doing car wheels down the hallways of the triage! Oh, and I can't wait to get that first glass of wine, or a Strawberry MARGARITA!!!!!!  Ok, moving on, The Isis Collections is still going strong, however I have shut down my website.  It was just to  hard trying to reconstruct it with everything that's going on. I just decided to save money, and start on it again when things are more settled.  However, I still have contact with customers via facebook, phone (773-988-5781), and email.

So I believe, I've caught you up, on with the present.  Yesterday, my son left for his first sleep over.  My wonderful SIL and BIL were courageous enough to take on the responsibility of adding one more crazy child to their 2, and I am lost with emptiness, but doing my happy dance at the same time. I so appreciate them, and wish them all the luck in  the world, LOL!

So, rather than sleep (which I should be doing) I'm trying to take advantage of the absolutely very rare occasion and take some much needed time with my hubby.  Last night we went to the Shrine,

to support a good friend of mind Adad (Rapper) aka Demetrius (cannot call him by his stage name, just doesn't sound right.  I mean we met working at Bloomingdale, lol.) who performed before Raekwon of the Wu tang.  Needless to say Demetruis was GREAT as usual (love) the socks), but Raekwon I did not see, because my entire back area started screaming out in pain, from standing up so long, and protecting my belly from all of the pushy people.  Yes, I know I should not have been their at the concert, but I had to go support, especially on a rare occasion of not having my child with me, not having to rush back to him, and actually having the means to go out somewhere!  Thanks again Demetrius for putting us on the list!  We ended the night by getting some Good ol' Harolds Chicken at 1am, and crashing.

I don't know if it was my hormones, or if it was the unfamiliarity of us going out on a date, or the whole I got you already, I don't need to do much more that made my husband not act like we was on a date, but tonight we're going to work on that when we finally go see Tempation.  Wish us luck Gods & Goddesses!  Have  a great weekend, cause I will. Its #freefrom5yearoldweekend!!!!!!!!!

Pull It Together Tuesday: Sick Again

I woke up with the most painful, excruciating, Cramps, I have ever had in my entire life!  I want to Pull together my to do list, but today, I think I'll just lay in  the fetal position in bed, and may be read.  Is this what happens to your body when you reach 30?  I know I have a long way to go ladies, lol!

Fine Jewelry Friday!

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, but it's confession/venting time!  My head is screaming and spinning right now.  I'm so happy to be about 80% done with the new Jewelry, scarves and headbands, but I wish I was 100% done especially since I have 2 shows coming up this weekend!  The Vintage Clothing & Accessories show in Grayslake, IL and the  Bridal Expo, but I still have to put all of these items on the website, so if you want to order something new, you will have to email or call, and I'll email you an invoice for payment. 

I'm so upset that I've neglected my ETSY store.  I really need to be on top of this!  Does anyone else out there have this problem of letting life and facebook stop you from tending to your ETSY store?  I'm also upset that I ordered labels about 3 weeks ago, and they have yet to come, so some items this weekend will be sold without labels, and that kind of making me angry, as well as my last order of beads haven't come yet, so tonight I'll probably be up all night, and to top it off I'M SO SLEEPY, and this foggy weather isn't helping at all!

I'm so incredible thankful for my gift, and these opportunities, but I think it's just time for a nap.  Then I'll wake up and feel the imaginary sunshine on the FINE JEWELRY FRIDAY!  Have a great weekend Gods & Goddesses, I KNOW I WILL! Only to start Potty Training bootcamp with my son on Monday.  Talk to you later!

MOMMA NEEDS A BREAK!!!!!!!!!!! (Pull it Together Tuesday)

So, I just finished doing Pilates with my son, and I have this terrible headache, so to calm down I decided to cruise the blogs again, and came across this one, Homegrown Mom, and as I was reading it I couldn't stop lauging, and wanted to share it with you all this Pull It Together Tuesday.  Enjoy!


10 Signs That You May Need a Break



You know you need a break…

1. When your husband asks what you did today and you think he means you did nothing all day. Then you growl.

2. When someone asks you how old your kids are and you pause for a second because you honestly can’t remember.

3. When you find yourself sighing and rolling your eyes more than three times an hour.

4. When you’re in a Target parking lot and it takes too long to find your keys at the bottom of the black hole you call your purse, so you burst into tears.

5. When you’re taking notes in church and you start writing your to-do list in the margin.

6. When you put some kindergarten math worksheets in your first grader’s workbox so you can have two minutes of quiet while she does them on her own.

7. When your husband comes home at five and you’re still in your pajamas and he’s too scared to ask what you did today.

8. When you’re so exhausted that you fall asleep while giving a spelling test, but you still stay up until 2am watching Lost and 24 with your husband because you finally feel like you can rest and you want to enjoy that feeling.

9. When you start putting protein bars in the microwave so you can feel like you’re eating chocolate while still sticking to your diet.

10. When you write a blog post called 10 Signs That You May Need a Break.

Share yours, and pull it together!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pull It Together Turesday!

This Pull It Together Tuesday, I have to pull together my body!

I know this too shall pass, but I am so sick and tired of being sick!  Can someone please come get my sick 3 year old so I can get better!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Ok, first I was having muscle spasms that brought on bad migraines, and difficulty sleeping.  I was prescribed pain medicine with a narcotic, along with muscle relaxers that made me feel 85% better, but now I feel all drugged up with a dripping nose, sore throat, and a major case of drowsiness.  All while trying to coax my son into eating cause he's sick as well with a dripping nose, and a cough.  At least his vomiting and temperature is better, but I'm to the point of feeling like when is this going to end, and am definitely not feeling like a Goddess.  HELP!!!!!!!!!!!

Pull It Together Tuesday! (Ladies Night)

OMG!!!!!

You're probably wondering why I'm so expressive today!  Well it all started last night.  I haven't had guest other, than my family over in a while, but this weekend  a friend of minds is hosting a ladies night in my apartment so I thought, maybe I should clean up a little.  So I started washing dishes, gathering things around the house that needed washing, and noticed that, thanks to my husband my counters have grease stuck on them.  So I moved the deep fryer placed it on my stove, washed my counters down, and started washing dishes.  While doing this, I heard this terrible thud behind me, and as I turned around I see my 5 quart deep fryer falling on the floor and dark brown vegatable oil speckled with old pieces of chicken crumbs splattering all over my kitchen floor, cabinets and walls!

The only words I could utter was Got F&*#@$% Damn!   So at 12am last night guess what I was pulling together, and it continues today only my son will be woke, and my husband decided to not go to work today.  I wonder how much help I'll get? :-)

Pull it Together People!

Pull It Together Tuesday (Major Venting!)

I recently posted on my, personal  FB status that it frustrates me extremely when I vent to someone and they don't respond back to me with questions, answers, some type of input or, feedback whatever the case need be. So rather then talk to someone and frustrate myself further with these people I thought I would share with u all.

I have been counting down to this week, to this moment, when I officially become a work from home mom. I was ready to pursue my business ideas, that will hopefully help it to prosper. Ready to get back an inkling of the woman that my husband fell in love with, full if surprises, energy and love. I was ready for teaching my son any and everything I can possible teach him, I was ready to strengthen my relationships, but most of all I was ready TO HAVE SOME TIME FOR ME, MYSELF AND I!!!!!!!!

• So far I've sent out 3 of about 50 emails I have to send to organizations asking about their shows and festivals for my event calender.
• I've sent out 0 of the 3 emails I have to send to my customers. (Winter Newsletter, Clearance sale, Book A Jewelry party).
• However, I am up to date on The Isis Collections blog and fan page, and the Real Wives of Chicago Blog and fan pages
• I have not listed any of my new jewelry creations on the website.
• I haven't made any fantastic dinner recipes yet.
• Have not scheduled one date night yet.
• I have made reservations for my sons Birthday Extravaganza, but have failed to do any of the other daily activities I've wanted to do with him.
• Have not made any dates with my friends yet
• I have not scheduled my spa date yet!
• and to top it all off the very job that I am no longer an employee at.  I have been there for the last 2 days, and will becoming back tomorrow to get even more stressed out! Ugghhhh!!!

I know, I know its only been 2 days it'll get better, and I have a lot more days full of relaxation, love, and success, but for now I have a huge headache and cards to type up at work.  I'll pull it together...one day.

It's Music Monday

Good Morning Gods & Goddesses!  Right now I'm in a joyful, celebrating mood, thinking about what I have in store for me this coming new Year.  I will officially be a WAHM is 13 days, and I'm very excited about that.  I have some very supportive people in my life, that I so appreciate and love, and I have some not so supportive people in my life, and this one is for you!

Have a great week!

Pull It together Tuesday (Obstacles)

Happy Pull it together Tuesday!


Well, I tried hard to finish all of my shopping, but there just wasn’t enough hours left in the day on Friday, and this weekend was full of rest, and work. So in about an hour, I’ll go see how much more Christmas and regular monthly shopping I can get done.

Nonetheless, through all of this holiday bustling, something is plaguing me, of course I want my business to grow, and it will grow, because I’ve dreamt of this for too long, but I’m having a hard time figuring out how I can do this. I have a business plan, so I’ve done the research, and I’m still researching, but I’m just having a hard time trying to figure out, well believing that I can actually do this, be there for my family, and be happy.

Some people are telling me because of the quality of my work, I should raise my prices, and some are telling me I should keep them the same because of the economy. I have so many ideas regarding, the running of my store front, but the actual location of where to buy I’m having a hard time making a resolution.

I know as I practice making my faith stronger, these obstacles will be crossed, but right now they look uncrossable.

What do you all think? How would you pull things together this Tuesday?

Its Pull It Together Tuesday

Happy Pull It Together Tuesday!

You know, this morning I was thinking, I need to pull my husband together! I’m at work, my husband always calls me on my cell phone, but lately he’s been calling me on my work phone, and I’m wondering why? So, when he calls me today, I tell him, why are you calling me on my work phone, call me on my cell phone. You know he hangs up the phone and calls me10 minutes later on my cell… I mean I didn’t mean for him to hang up the phone that instant and call me back!

So because of this, I’ve decided maybe I just have huge communication problems. You think? So in the process of still bettering myself and being positive I’ve been a busy lady. I’m not sure if I’m still so exhausted from the minor surgery I had or because I’m just exhausted, plus I’m pretty sure staying out until 3:30 in the morning at a night club didn’t help much either. I have art shows, and events for the next 5 weekends straight, and praying that I make lots and lots of money! I’m so happy I have all of my sons Halloween items done, but I still need to get the tickets for Mickey Mouse at Rosemont Theatre, and I have to figure out where we’re going to go Trick or Treating.

Anybody else can’t wait until Thanksgiving weekend?

More Me Time...

I was sent this months REDBOOK subscription and an article hit a spot close to my heart. I wanted to share it with you all.


Too many of us don’t wind down during our downtime (Me included) –if we manage to find any downtime at all. We feel like we’re doing the “right” thing only when we’re crossing tasks off our to-do list, but that doesn’t allow any time to focus on ourselves, which is key to health and happiness. You deserve a place alone to rest, plan, read, dream, journal, or think, to turn off daily stress and just e you –not the mom-you or the wife-you, but the you you. Creating that haven doesn’t have to take a lot of time, money, or even space. Claim a corner in the living room, a nook in the attic, or a spot in the bathroom. (Ask your husband to don’t allow the kids to knock on the bathroom door, waiting for you to come out .) Just a peaceful area where you put your chair, or desk, and a few of your favorite things…Truly appreciate everything you put into your space and the moments you spend there. Know that you deserve this alone time, and do it often!

Me Time...Nooky!

Oh my lord Jesus!  I cannot wait to go off on this 4 day weekend extravaganza to Vegas with me, myself and I and a couple of friends. No Husband, no baby crawling on me, and I mean literally crawling. My son is 20 months now and he thinks I am a jungle gym, equipped with handle bars (my boobs and ears), and shiny things to swirl and pull on at times (my earrings, bracelets or necklaces). I love it don’t get me wrong. It’s nothing like coming home from work and having a smiling face run to you, but it can seriously way on you, and tire you out. No sippy cups, bottles or breakfast, lunch and dinners to make. No vacuuming, dusting, dishes, etc. to do. No work to think about. No having myself being pulled in a million different directions, and then at the end of the day, begging for any type of intimate attention from my husband. Yes you read that correctly. Usually women are complaining about having to do so much stuff during the day, and being so tired, then being happy to lay down and finally get some rest only to have their husband pulling on nightgowns for some nooky. I wish my husband did that! With his lazy ass. Yes, followers! I told you it was going to start getting a little personal and juicy. So cover your eyes if you don’t want to read it.  I love my husband, and he’s alright. Lately I’ve had to make myself learn to appreciate him more, but since we had our son, and probably before than, this department has seriously been lacking, and I tell you its not because my son still sleeps with us. There are other places to go you know! Its also not because I’m always angry with him, cause the last 3 months I have seriously changed! Its not like I haven’t been trying you know. He doesn’t turn me down. That is not the case at all. It’s just why do I always have to initiate? He is just so damn lazy! What do you think?

Revamping...

I'm not sure if I spelled that right, I don't feel like checking. Well anyway. Lately, I've been feeling like I'm a rag doll being pulled in a hundred different directions, and all I really want to do is the things that make me happy, but being a responsible adult... that is not possible. So because of this I'm revamping my blog. I'm still all about empowering and inspiring and all that good stuff, but I've decided to make this blog a little more intimate, a little more personal. Really like my diary that I share with the entire world wide web.

I've decide to this because sometimes I just want to Vent. Seriously vent. Curse and tell secrets, (my secrets not anyone else) and just everything. I don't have many personal friends that I can depend on at the drop of dime. With the exception of my Mom, who you never want to tell too much to. There's my Sister-in-law, who's busy with her own obstacles, and a couple of high school buddies, but they can't be there for me all the time. So that's what I'm using this blog for my buddy, as long as there is a computer or a blackberry around I'll always have someone to listen. So here's to the future of juicy talk.

Mean People

Taking responsibility for your actions and mistakes is empowering in itself. It shows that you are in tune with yourself. You’re confident. You’re considerate and you’re just darn responsible. Why are there so many people out there that feel comfortable blaming the next person instead of taking the responsibility? What kind of world is this where you get gratification for being inconsiderate?

SAHM Blues

My son is now 17 months, and I can remember my entire pregnancy like it was yesterday. To this day I still can't stand being away from him. Its like it's my 1st week back to work after maternity leave. Some stay at home moms (SAHM) just don't know how lucky they have it. I know that everyone always wants more than what they have, and yes if I was a SAHM I would probably want to be working. Yeah, yeah, blah, blah. I've heard all that, but right now I just know that I would be so much happier. I'm sitting here at my desk looking at my sons photos on my computer, and trying not to cry. Thursdays are exceptionally hard, because after 5pm. It's my me time! Time for myself to read, talk, reflect buy shoes, whatever. I travel to my bellydance class which starts at 7:30pm. I dance for an hour. Than I'm back on the bus for about a hour traveling home. So basically I see my son in the morning, and I see him asleep in bed when I get home, and I try not to feel guilty for missing out on an entire day with my son. I know this me time is to re-energize my soul, but how can I tell that to my heart?

Blame it on the Alcohol

This is how I feel right now! Wives and Mothers out there, if you need a drink check out this article http://http://www.bettyconfidential.com/ar/ld/a/It-is-Mommy-Medicine.html.

You are not alone!