Mindfulness

Since starting graduate school I haven't really taken a break. In-between classes we have the option of taking a break and that break can be one week to three weeks or we can choose to not take a break at all. Due to me wanting to complete my degree and start working as soon as possible I have opted not to take any breaks. However, due to my overwhelming responsibilities and the process of starting my clinical work I have decided to take a 3-week break. I'm currently on my second week and I feel that although I have been taking steps to better myself more intensely the last couple of years;  it is in this experience that I just had an epiphany moment. I have a better understanding of why those steps were so extremely vital to my journey right now. I have been feeling extremely anxious and unsure about many of the decisions I have made in the last few months; years in fact!  Even though I have grown secure with my decisions.  However, at this very moment I have just realized that those decisions, those steps were necessary not only for my health, sanity, love and respect for myself, my peace, but also for my well-being of being present in my body and this time and space.

I have learned that therapist also need their own therapist. We all have our own set of problems and experiences that we have to deal with that impact the people we are; and that impact can be a negative or a positive one. So on my journey I have had the honor of experiencing several therapist and a few have suggested mindfulness practices to me. I admit, I did not truly understand what mindfulness was until today. Thanks to a podcast app that I just downloaded I have chosen to subscribe to many therapist topics to utilize as resources for myself that may also be beneficial to share with my clients and through my research I have learned that mindfulness means different things to many people.  Therefore, I have gained a bit of compassion for myself for putting so much pressure on self to understand something the way another therapist understands mindfulness to be. I now understand that my confusion on what mindfulness is was because it was something different to me. It's not just shutting my brain down to not think any thoughts.  It's about welcoming those thoughts and being aware that they are there but placing a bit of a boundary on those thoughts and telling them I see you, but this is my focus right now. Its not just sitting still posing like a Buddha.  I have now realized that I have been practicing mindfulness a lot in my relationships, when I cook, when I go for a walk, when I'm shutting off the TV and playing games with my kids, when I'm listening to the birds, when we're trying to have family dinner, when I'm gardening, when I'm drinking a cup of tea. Mindfulness is a awareness and it's a focus on one thing, but also a developed compassion that we're human beings and our minds roam.  That's what they are supposed to do.  I'm now seeing ways that I would like to practice mindfulness with more of an intention; for example it's a habit for me to tell my kids I love you everyday.  However, it has become more of a habit; there's no real intention on it. When I'm saying it, I am making their lunch or I am pushing them in the doorways of their school building or I am turning a direction to head to work or something. Now I see that I have to be mindful in my intent to actually help my children really see that this is a moment of expressed love and not just words.  Furthermore, not with just my kids but also with my husband, my mother, my father, myself. I am so looking forward to the focus that I am sure being intentionally mindful will bring to my life.  Maybe you will be on the same thing I'm on...

Giving Thanks and Being Authentically You

Sharing with u what I have learned on my journey of living my best life, and a bit of love doesn't hurt. 

(Day 14 &15) Getting Unstuck: Let your intentions guide you

(Day 13) Getting Unstuck: Finding your Self-Worth

We cannot think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves. -Malcolm X's

(Day 1) Getting Unstuck

In an effort to hold myself accountable for what is happening in my life I have decided to step out of my comfort zone and record my journey in doing the 21 day Oprah & Deepak Meditation experience.  Everyday I plan on taking these moments for myself, and I'm sharing them with you.  I hope that you go on the journey with me.  Let me know your thoughts about what I've talked about, and if you are going on the journey as well be as transparent as me and feel free to share in the comments. Namaste.

Day by Day

I've started a 40 day Journey

prayer book called Emotional Healthy Spirituality Day by Day by Peter Scazzero and it has been wonderfully enlightening reading this book everyday suggested by my Pastor Dori Gorman of New Story Church . In my readings I came across Psalms 131 and in the devotional portion of the book for that particular day we were reminded that we often forget our humanity, our limits, and our inability to change others. We are reminded that David was one of the most powerful people of that time but he still reminded himself to not to think highly of himself. He prayed that he does not concern himself with the great matters or things too wonderful for him and that told me that even with David being as powerful as he was he knew not to worry about things that were going to happen or that he wished would happen or anything of that nature. He knew that it was not up to him but that those things were too powerful for him to think about. He knew that those things were up to God.

Reading that I was like, "Man, I wish I could be more like David." The reading for the next day and devotional we were taught about patient trust.

Patient trust is above all trust in the slow work of God we are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay we should like to skip the intermediate stages. We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new yet it is the law of all progress that it is made by passing through some stages of instability and that it may take a very long time. And so I think it is with you; but your ideas mature and gradually let them grow let them shape themselves, without undue haste. Don't try to force them on, it's true you could be today what time will make for you tomorrow (that is to say grace and circumstances acting on your own goodwill). Only God could say that this new spirit gradually forming within you will be. Give our Lord the benefit of believing that his hand is leading you. And accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.
-Pierre Teilhard de Chardon

Reading these words were so powerful and they assurance I needed regarding my acceptance to school, my career, the opening of my storefront, the growth of my kids, the success of my marriage. the Journey of getting myself healthy. All of these things I have to trust that with these different processes that I'm going through the Lord is leading me and to accept the anxiety that I feel.

The Reminder

In this life you can allow a lot of things to discourage you from working on things that are important to you and I must say I myself, can easily get caught up in everyday life and get overwhelmed and deter myself from my plans.

 This past weekend I participated in an overnight ladies night inn at The Hyatt Lodge McDonald Campus with my Just 4 Wives  (Real Wives of Chicago aka RWOC) group and it was very enlightening. I was reminded by my sister friend, Alice, that my story is not unique. That there are a lot of women out there just like me that would love to hear my story; that would love to hear how hard it was for me to wake up in the morning, go through it but still persevere;that it will make women feel like they are not alone.  At that moment I made a mental promise to myself that I would try harder to not get discouraged and shut down, that I will not worry about what others think and let my fears win, but at the same time I will do what I can, and show the love that I have for myself and require that love and respect back. We're in this together Goddesses, and I can assure u that we got this! Here's to the bad and good days! Love yourself!

It's Music Monday!!! Smile :-) Kirk Franklin

Monday mornings, especially cloudy Monday morning tend to put me in a melancholy mood, so I needed some uplifting today.  Kirk Franklin always does that for me  So enjoy this with me and smile...

Pull It Together Tuesday (Pacifier Fairy)

So first off I want to say that I have ABSOLUTELY no problem with pacifiers unless that child is 10 years old and still needs them through out the day, then there's a problem, other than that I have no problem.

I admit my son is 3 years old and he still sucks his pacifier.  However, he does not need it throughout the day, he only wants it when he is sleepy.  I know about all of the "statistics" and "risk," but as his Mother these "statistics" and "risk" have not affected us, and I have NO PROBLEM with him wanting his pacifier for his naps, and at night.

HOWEVER, being that he will be starting school in September, and I think that this particular situation will help build his character and make him stronger.  I have decided that I will let him make the decision of saying bye to his pacifier, sort a speak.

I recently told him that the Pacifier Fairy was upset, because he's a big boy now and big boys don't need pacifiers, so the Pacifier Fairy has been looking in the garbage everyday for his pacifiers so she can take them to fairyland, but there are no pacifiers there, and this is making her very upset.  I asked my son, "Do you want the pacifier fairy to be upset?"  My son said, "Yes!"  I tried very hard not to laugh, and I succeeded.  I then explained to my son again, that he was a big boy, and he needs to put his pacifiers in the garbage when he's ready so that the Pacifier Fairy can get them.  My so then told me, "You do it!"  I said, "No, you do it!"  So far, no action has been made.  We'll pull it together soon, lol.

Please give me some POSITIVE advice about this situation, lol.

Music Monday (Kid Entrepreneurs)

Good Morning Gods & Goddesses! 

I had a wonderfully busy weekend with vending at the Custer's Last Stand in Evanston, and celebrating Father's Day with my hubby and family, all I want to do is sit in the bed and watch Season 5 of Charmed on DVD which is on the schedule for today,but first I need to talk to you wonderful individuals, and update my inventory, as well as a few other things. 

Usually today will be filled with some song that expresses my feeling of the day, but I came across this video of kids entrepreneurs that I wanted to share with you all.  Its great, cute and very motivational.  TEACH YOUR KIDS TO BE WHATEVER THEY WANT TO BE!  Have a great week everyone!

Click here to see video

FINE JEWELRY FRIDAY!!!!!

Are you the kind of person that plays it safe?  Well, I think I am in some ways.  Sure, every once in a while I take a chance and leap out on faith, like when I snuck out of the house to be with boyfriends, or when I went away to  college, and when I married my husband, and even when I quit my job of 4 years, and became a WAHM, but lately I've been thinking I should do it again.  I'm tired of playing it safe. 

I feel that if you want big things to happen, you have to make big moves!  I absolutely feel that big moves should be researched, and be done with smarts. Soooo this is why I've decided to finally stop talking about it, and put some action to it. 

I'm going to finally start the 1st store to my chain of Isis Collections Stores!  However it has to start with a real functional Business Plan!  I have the template,  (The business plan I put together Junior year of college.  Yes, I have a BFA in Fashion Design/Fine Arts) now I just need to update it, and add my current logistics, and do some real footwork!

So any POSITIVE advice or comments, locations, etc. you have will be greatly appreciated! 

10 things never to say to a stay at home/working mom

These articles were in this months REDBOOK, and I wanted to share them.  I can so relate to both.


10 Things Never to Say to a Stay-at-Home Mom


1. When the kids are older, do you think you'll get a real job?
2. How June Cleaver of you!
3. Oh, so you don't work?
4. Since you have extra time on your hands, could you whip up a few dozen brownies for the bake sale tomorrow?
5. All day with your kids? I can't even imagine.
6. I'm jealous. I wish my husband were rich so I wouldn't have to work either.
7. What do you do all day, anyway?
8. I'm sure you're not the only one who's ever wasted money on a college degree.
9. That explains why your son is so clingy!
10. Weird. I assumed your house would be superclean.


10 Things Never to Say to a Working Mom


1. It must be hard missing all those special moments every day.
2. I suppose it's smart that you're working. You know, in case your husband leaves you some day.
3. I'm surprised you went back to work. Your husband seems so successful.
4. It's cute when they call your nanny "Mama."
5. I just love my kids too much to leave them during the day.
6. Did you see Dateline? The one with the hidden camera in the day care?
7. I could never let someone else raise my children. But that's just me!
8. I hated my mom because she was never home after school like everyone else's mom.
9. You must feel so guilty.
10. I wish I were as laid-back as you and could just let the housework go.

Motivational Music Monday (Imagine Me)

Good Morning!  Every now and then when life gets to be to much, we all have our times when we just want to give up, crawl in a ball and hide, but that no way to live!  This Monday we're not going to!  Inspite of The Bears not going to the Superbowl life does go on.  Kirk Franklin made a perfectly inspirational wonderful song to help you through it.  Enjoy!

 

KIRK FRANKLIN LYRICS
"Imagine Me"

Imagine me
Loving what I see when the mirror looks at me cause I
I imagine me
In a place of no insecurities
And I'm finally happy cause
I imagine me

Letting go of all of the ones who hurt me
Cause they never did deserve me
Can you imagine me?
Saying no to thoughts that try to control me
Remembering all you told me
Lord, can you imagine me?
Over what my mama said
And healed from what my daddy did
And I wanna live and not read that page again

[Chorus:]

Imagine me, being free, trusting you totally finally I can...
Imagine me
I admit it was hard to see
You being in love with someone like me
 But finally I can...
Imagine me

Being strong
And not letting people break me down
You won't get that joy this time around
Can you imagine me?
In a world (in a world) where nobody has to live afraid
Because of your love fears gone away
Can you imagine me?

[Bridge:]

Letting go of my past
And glad I have another chance
And my heart will dance
'Cause I don't have to read that page again

[Chorus x2]

[Vamp:]

Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone

Pull It together Tuesday (Obstacles)

Happy Pull it together Tuesday!


Well, I tried hard to finish all of my shopping, but there just wasn’t enough hours left in the day on Friday, and this weekend was full of rest, and work. So in about an hour, I’ll go see how much more Christmas and regular monthly shopping I can get done.

Nonetheless, through all of this holiday bustling, something is plaguing me, of course I want my business to grow, and it will grow, because I’ve dreamt of this for too long, but I’m having a hard time figuring out how I can do this. I have a business plan, so I’ve done the research, and I’m still researching, but I’m just having a hard time trying to figure out, well believing that I can actually do this, be there for my family, and be happy.

Some people are telling me because of the quality of my work, I should raise my prices, and some are telling me I should keep them the same because of the economy. I have so many ideas regarding, the running of my store front, but the actual location of where to buy I’m having a hard time making a resolution.

I know as I practice making my faith stronger, these obstacles will be crossed, but right now they look uncrossable.

What do you all think? How would you pull things together this Tuesday?

Its Thankful Thursday!

This email was sent to me and I wanted to share it with you all on this Thankful Thursday.  Today I'm thankful for the simple things in my life. 

Morning Motivations

When I woke up this morning lying in bed, I was asking myself;

What are some of the secrets of success in life?

I found the answer right there, in my very room.

AND NOT TO FORGET,

THE CARPET SAID... KNEEL DOWN AND PRAY.

HAVE A PURPOSEFUL DAY IN THE LORD!

Its Thankful Thursday!

How many of you married women can say that you have someone that you can go to that genuinely understands the unity, courage, commitment and love that you’re trying to uphold in your marriage? How many of you have someone that they can go to about anything, and that someone will be there with a open heart and mind, to either guide you or listen? How many of you have someone that you can go to when you just need to go out for a drink?

Well I have someone like that, in fact I have about 30 someones, and as a whole they are called The Real Wives of Chicago (RWOC). These women are tremendously WONDERFUL, and I am so grateful, and thankful that God brought them into my life. Having been brought up in a single mom home as the only child, I have always wanted to have that sister or big brother that I can run to for anything, so I admit that have that neediness of an only child (NO, I am not spoiled ☺), and I have found exactly what I needed at the right time. Being somewhat still a newlywed and having my 1st child was very overwhelming, scary, and just too much! I started looking for an outlet where I could just RELAX, and my prayers were answered.

These women are truly a sisterhood, and have helped me through so much, and I just wanted to Praise God for giving me this Gift.

******************************************

RWOC was created as a social, motivational and spiritual outlet for married woman of all cultures, backgrounds, and religions. We provide support through participation in our events, our online message board, workshops, and round table discussions. We also engage in several service acts in our community. We are not your typical social group for we are a continuous source of encouragement and positive direction.

"Real Wife" was does it mean? In our interpretation, a real wife is one that is supportive, nurturing, intelligent, loving and thoughtful. However, we also realize that sometimes fulfilling your role as a wife can become challenging and sometimes overwhelming. Its during those times that you need a "positive" outlet to come to whether you want to laugh, cry, scream or just exhale. RWOC is that outlet.

RWOC is dedicated to strengthening real women, real relationships and real wives; we celebrate sisterhood, beauty, radiance while building long lasting relationships.

RWOC is fighting back against the attack on marriage!

It's Together Tuesday! Do you know your self-worth?

What a morning, what a morning!  Its definitely time to pull it together!  I’ve been busy putting together next years shows.  So happy I finished up this seasons Fall Newsletter.  I paid my business taxes.  My son got his flu shot, and now I just need to make appointments for my husband and myself for flu shots, finish researching next years schedule, have a ladies night out on Thursday, and continue pulling myself together.  I found this and wanted to share it with my fellow Gods & Goddesses.  Hope you learn from it, and continue empowering yourself to Pull it together!

Improve your Self Confidence with Positive Self Talk

Positive self talk is paramount when developing an internal dialogue that supports growth and empowerment. The words you choose to use, both thought and spoken, directly affect your ability to navigate any situation with strong, bold self confidence, including many of life’s challenges that could bring an otherwise unprepared individual to their knees.

You may think you know what your value to the world is and assume your comfort level in society accordingly. For example: Even though you believe that your hard work and personal achievements are worthy of a pampering massage or pedicure; you have decided that you are better suited to receiving your rewards at the less expensive spa instead of allowing yourself to be at ease and relax completely in the ultra chic location. This is self worth based on an ideal provided to you rather than exuded from within you.

When your confidence resides within, you can withstand negative attack because your values are rooted with self-assurance from inside. You possess the belief that you are worthy regardless of whether others share the same opinions or not.

The ability to speak with positive, powerful and empowering words will improve your endurance of any criticism and critiquing, as well as increasing the amount of positive feedback and compliments you willing accept.

You really are worthy of indulgence, extravagance and more. Your hard work deserves reward regardless. Your potential is vast and should not be capped by our limiting scale of self worth.

With positive talk, you surround yourself with supportive, influential words and ultimately begin to develop the confidence you seek to improve.

Words are powerful.  (So true, so true!)

Acknowledge this and make it a conscious part of your day because it will help you succeed.

Do you Pray with your Spouse?

Recipe for Unity

by Mike Mason

How, practically, can a couple submit themselves to God and so discover unity with each other? There are, to my knowledge, two prerequisites.

One is shared prayer, and the other is unconditional love.

Almost every day for twenty years Karen and I have prayed together. We do so because we worship the same God, but also because we go about our faith so differently. Couples who do not pray together are as badly off as those who stop sleeping together. Like lovemaking, prayer requires, in a sense, taking off the clothes, removing the shoes to touch holy ground. Such acts of deep communion, beyond mere communication, carry tremendous power for healing and renewal.

To pray together is to draw water from the same well. The experience of unity arises from many, many prayers spoken and felt together over years.

There's only one Holy Spirit, and to pray well is to hear Him, sense Him, give voice to His thoughts and moods. When couples do this honestly, how can they help but enter into the place of unity?

Shared prayer by itself, however, is not enough to nurture oneness. A second, more vital, ingredient is require: unconditional love. (More, tomorrow...)

Do you make problems worse or do you make them better?

Communication is the key to any relationship.  We can all learn how to not only talk to our spouses better, but to our co-workers, our kids, and strangers.

When Your Spouse Is Stuck; Mad at Themselves

by Dr. Gary Chapman

What do you do when your spouse is mad at himself?

Jon was a young business executive, a hard worker, a rising star in the company. But on Tuesday night, his wife, Bev, found him moping in self-condemnation.

"I can't believe I left one of the most important elements out of my report. When Bob mentioned it, it was so obvious. I can't believe I overlooked it. It makes me look so stupid, and to think the V.P. was there. He never comes to those meetings. I just can't believe it."

Bev wants to be helpful, but she cannot get inside Jon's mind and make him take a positive approach. She could say, "Don't cry over spilled milk," but that will probably come across as preaching. Maybe better to say, "Honey, I can see how that would be very disappointing. What do you think happened that caused you to overlook it?"

She lets him talk out his grief and then says, "I still think you're the best manager in your department."

Wow! Bev is helping Jon move on and face the future positively.

Do you look at your Marriage as a Team Sport?

More marriage advice Gods, and Goddesses!  Pull it together!

Decision-Making Is a Team Sport

by Dr. Gary Chapman


Our theme this week is decision making and unity. It is in the process of making decisions that many couples run into conflict. Why? Because we are human and we think differently. We all have our own opinions. Nothing wrong with that, but it means that we must listen and try to understand each other. Otherwise, we become enemies, and spend our time arguing over decisions.

How do we create this positive, seeking-to-work-together attitude? I believe the answer lies in one word: love.

Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church. That is, he is to seek her well-being. The big question for the husband in any decision is: How will this affect me wife? He is to be leaning toward that which would enhance her life.

She, on the other hand, is to be thinking about him. When two people have this attitude, then they can make decisions with minimal conflict. The opposite of love is selfishness.

Love builds unity. Selfishness destroys it