Seeing Beneath the Surface

More Marriage advice!  Tell me what you think, leave comments!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -Isis

Seeing Beneath the Surface

by Dr. Gary Chapman

What you see is not what you get. Life is much more complex. Human behavior is almost always motivated by what is unseen.

Emotional or physical needs within us propel us to action. You see my behavior, but you don't know my motives. Even I may not be conscious of my motives.

All of us are moved along by these strong inner forces. If we are going to understand each other, we'll have to go beneath the surface.

What are these inner needs that affect our behavior so strongly? They fall into two categories: physical and emotional.

The physical are much easier to understand: thirst, hunger, sleep. Much of our behavior is motivated by these physical needs.

The emotional needs are much more difficult to identify, but they are just as forceful.

For example, the need to feel loved and appreciated motivates much of our behavior. If someone gives me affirming words and I sense that they genuinely care about me, then I am motivated to spend time with that person.

That's why learning to meet your spouse's need for love is so important, if you want to have a growing marriage.