Mindfulness

Since starting graduate school I haven't really taken a break. In-between classes we have the option of taking a break and that break can be one week to three weeks or we can choose to not take a break at all. Due to me wanting to complete my degree and start working as soon as possible I have opted not to take any breaks. However, due to my overwhelming responsibilities and the process of starting my clinical work I have decided to take a 3-week break. I'm currently on my second week and I feel that although I have been taking steps to better myself more intensely the last couple of years;  it is in this experience that I just had an epiphany moment. I have a better understanding of why those steps were so extremely vital to my journey right now. I have been feeling extremely anxious and unsure about many of the decisions I have made in the last few months; years in fact!  Even though I have grown secure with my decisions.  However, at this very moment I have just realized that those decisions, those steps were necessary not only for my health, sanity, love and respect for myself, my peace, but also for my well-being of being present in my body and this time and space.

I have learned that therapist also need their own therapist. We all have our own set of problems and experiences that we have to deal with that impact the people we are; and that impact can be a negative or a positive one. So on my journey I have had the honor of experiencing several therapist and a few have suggested mindfulness practices to me. I admit, I did not truly understand what mindfulness was until today. Thanks to a podcast app that I just downloaded I have chosen to subscribe to many therapist topics to utilize as resources for myself that may also be beneficial to share with my clients and through my research I have learned that mindfulness means different things to many people.  Therefore, I have gained a bit of compassion for myself for putting so much pressure on self to understand something the way another therapist understands mindfulness to be. I now understand that my confusion on what mindfulness is was because it was something different to me. It's not just shutting my brain down to not think any thoughts.  It's about welcoming those thoughts and being aware that they are there but placing a bit of a boundary on those thoughts and telling them I see you, but this is my focus right now. Its not just sitting still posing like a Buddha.  I have now realized that I have been practicing mindfulness a lot in my relationships, when I cook, when I go for a walk, when I'm shutting off the TV and playing games with my kids, when I'm listening to the birds, when we're trying to have family dinner, when I'm gardening, when I'm drinking a cup of tea. Mindfulness is a awareness and it's a focus on one thing, but also a developed compassion that we're human beings and our minds roam.  That's what they are supposed to do.  I'm now seeing ways that I would like to practice mindfulness with more of an intention; for example it's a habit for me to tell my kids I love you everyday.  However, it has become more of a habit; there's no real intention on it. When I'm saying it, I am making their lunch or I am pushing them in the doorways of their school building or I am turning a direction to head to work or something. Now I see that I have to be mindful in my intent to actually help my children really see that this is a moment of expressed love and not just words.  Furthermore, not with just my kids but also with my husband, my mother, my father, myself. I am so looking forward to the focus that I am sure being intentionally mindful will bring to my life.  Maybe you will be on the same thing I'm on...