Thursday, May 26, 2016


I'm having a little bit of a struggle today. I'm out doing my morning walk  and my little prince/venom actually fell asleep on my 3 Mile walk for change and it was so peaceful not hearing my name called  about 50 times and not having to pick up things that he's dropped,etc., but although the walk was peaceful listening to the wind and the waves I am still unable to enjoy this time because I can't settle my mind.  I

have captured beautiful pictures of the amazing blessings that God has placed in my path, but at the same time I must admit that I'm a little tired. Most likely it's from the worry about finishing up my last prom dress and about my going to school to get my Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy. I recently found out that out if 200+ applicants I was picked as the 70 to get an interview but I was not picked as part of the 40 to receive an offer to participate in the Northwestern program. Now I have to start the process over again with applying to another school.  Something is telling me to not give up but at the same time I do have some doubt about it. Is this really what I'm supposed to be doing?  I can't give it up because I've been thinking about this for 10 years and I feel like the scheduling is perfect and I can see myself doing this along with running my store and because I have been helping people naturally for so long I feel that this is what God is telling me I need to do, but the process of not knowing if I'm going to get accepted again is scary and I'm having a hard time crossing over that fear.  I will cross over it though.

I'm also thinking about my sister (and a couple other family members).  We have had an unfortunate relationship in our time together mostly because of events that we had no control over but because of these events they have caused both of us to think about each other in a certain way and treat each other in a not so pleasant way. For myself, I acknowledge my actions and thought that we were trying to move forward but everybody works at their own pace and everyone has their own experiences that help make them the people they are today. In my journey of trying to put God 1st in my life I feel I have reached a crossroad.  I have been hurt and I don't want to be hurt anymore which is my reason for distancing myself. However, is God telling me that I deserve more, that I don't deserve this treatment or is he telling me to be like Joseph who forgave his brothers? I mean look at all that Jesus encountered all the pain and hurt that he experienced but he knew that there was a paradise on the other side,  that he had to go through the anguish to make things better for us, so he welcomed it. I do forgive my sister but am I supposed to open myself up for potential pain, let go and open my heart again or is it alright if I just continue to show my love from a distance? These questions are what's troubling me.

Also, my husband is having a hard time communicating with me, following through and compromising. I really want us to establishing our own family traditions and he seems to think...I don't know...I guess that I don't want to be around his family which is not the case at all, or that I'm controlling.  I also have a few other personal goals that I have set for myself that are taking a little bit more time to
accomplish than I thought but as my son wakes up from his nap I am pushed back into reality and I guess I have to get up off this bench overlooking the lake and finish walking home to make breakfast and get to work on prom, and allow God to work.

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